I am the bitter buffalo

Many of you already know, I was officially laid off yesterday. I received all of my paper work, and was informed of my rights, and my last day (Tues, Aug 11). It's a done deal.

We've been having budget meetings since last Dec, and hearing that there may be layoffs since something like last Jan. So, in some ways, this comes as no surprise. Although, with the build up over the last several months - the roller coaster of good news and bad news that's leads to more worry and sometimes hope - I have found myself deeply impacted by this final turn of events.

One of the hardest parts about this is that I myself was not chosen for layoff - I was bumped from my position by someone else who was. As the last person hired in my class, anyone laid off in my class is given the right by the union to take my position. I've known this fact for some time, and have had faith that that would be a hard thing for anyone to do, and wouldn't do it lightly, right? As it turns out, in this case, the person bumping me has enough work experience to retire... and, in fact, work experience going back to the days of the good retirement plans, so they can really retire, unlike most of us. The advantage of bumping me is for the extra bit of retirement that one more year buys them, and they only plan to work that one more year.

So, all of my good attitude and acceptance of the situation pretty much went out the window, and it suddenly feels very personal. I can't help but feel marginalized by this individual. That it was worth uprooting my life, and taking my livelihood for just a little bit more money. I know this happens all over the world, in much, much worse situations, but let me tell you it sucks and I do not understand it.

That said, there are some really amazing people at the University of Washington who have been incredibly supportive to me. As much as I am hurt, I am equally touched by the people who have been rooting for me. It has been a fantastic, and very healing work environment for me, in so many ways.

So I'm not sure what I'll do next. Most of my work experience is in libraries, and they're not hiring much these days. Most of what I'd like isn't specific to the type of job - it's things like: a mutually respectful work environment, a place that's not afraid of change, or to try new things, a place with a window, somewhere, or at least unobtrusive fluorescent lighting, and somewhere where I can contribute, and try things, and make suggestions. So if you know of such a place, or a job search engine that has check boxes like those, please let me know how to find it.